[ what is love? it's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. it's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "i'm happy for you." if love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it ]
tree
people call me "tree".
i had dated so many girls in college. there is one girl who i love a lot but never dared to go after. she didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. she was just a very ordinary girl. i liked her. i really liked her. i liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. reason for not going after her was that i felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. i was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. i was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her. i was also afraid to lose what we had. we had something precious, friendship beyond boundaries. also, stupid as i was, i thought that if our destinies were intertwined, she would be mine without any sacrifices. she was with me for 3 years. she was my soulmate for 3 years. she watched me chase other girls, and i have made her heart cry for 3 years.she was a good actor, and me a demanding director. she once bumped into us when me and my second girlfriend were making out. she was embarrassed but smiled & said, "go on!" before running off. the next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. i did not want to know what caused her to cry. later that day, i saw her sitting in a classroom and crying her heart out. i wanted to go there and hold her tight, but i did not, i could not. my fourth girlfriend did not like her. i could see that the feeling was mutual. they had a blazing row once and i knew that it was not her fault. she was never a person who would pick up a fight. still, i shouted at her, ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. the next day, she was laughing and joking with me like nothing happened. i know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside i was hurt too. hurt because i hurt her. does not make sense, does it?when i broke up with my fifth girlfriend, i asked her out. later that day, i told her i had something to tell her. i told her about my break up and about my feelings for her. coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. i knew who the person was. his pursuit for her had been the talk of the college. i did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. once i reached home, i could not breathe. tears rolled and i, the man made of ice, broke down. how many times have i seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence? how many times have i made her heart ache with the agonies of hell? now i knew how it felt. now i knew how it was when each cell in your body yearns for something and you don’t get it. i had no right on what was mine.
leaf
people call me leaf.
i was close with a guy during three years of my college. i was thinking it to be a purely platonic relationship. however, when he had his first girlfriend, i learnt a feeling i never should have learnt – jealousy. jealousy to the extreme. they were only together for 2 months. when they broke up, i was happy. happy so much that words could not begin to describe it.
but after a month, he got together with another girl.i liked him and i knew he liked me. but why doesn’t he say anything? we talk for hours together. know each other inside out. why doesn't he make the first move? whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would break. i would experience realms of pain which i thought was never possible. after a while, i began to suspect that this was one-sided love. he did not feel the same way for me the way i felt for him. but my mind couldn’t accept it. it searched for reasons. if he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? it's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. i know his likes, his habits. but his feelings towards me i can never figure out. you can't expect me a girl, to ask him. despite everything, i wanted to be with him. share his sorrows, enjoy his passions, watch the wind ruffle through his hair; see the twinkle in his eyes when he was pleased. i loved the way he made me laugh, made me cry, made me think, and made me helpless in his love.
at the end final year, another guy, from different department asked me out. everyday he talked to me. he wanted to be with me. he was like a cool and gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. in the end, i realized that i wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. i know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay.
wind
i liked a girl called leaf. i hated the fact that she was dependent on a tree. too much dependent. i wanted to be a gentle gust of wind that would carry her off away from the cruel tree. caress her, hold her and gently put her in a safe ground.
when i first met her, it was 1 month after i joined college. i saw a petite person watching a group of guys playing cricket. during breaks, she will always be sitting there. sometimes alone, sometimes with her friends, always looking at him. when he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. when he talks to her and hugs her i can see her come alive with passion and energy. i hated him for the power he had on her. hate? no, jealousy would be a better word. i also wanted her to be free of the chains of love which she had bound her self in.
i used to sit there too. daily, watching her from the distance. watching the golden slanting rays of the sun caressing her before they disappeared. they were like me. wanting to hold her but unable to do so.
one day, she didn't appear. i felt something amiss. i can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. the senior was also not there as well. i went to their classroom, hid outside and saw him arguing with her. tears were in her eyes while he left. the next day, i saw her at her usual place, looking at him. i walked over and smiled to her and gave her a note. she was surprised. she looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. the next day, when she came to the stadium, she approached me and passed me a note before she assumed her usual place. it read, "leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."
"it's not that leaf heart is too heavy. it because leaf never wants to leave tree." i replied with this statement and slowly she started talking to me. she started accepting my presence and my phone calls. i knew that she did not love me. she loved someone else. but i had this hope that someday she would be mine. within four months of knowing her i had declared my ove for her no less than 20 times. every time, she would gently move away from the topic. i promised myself that i would never give up.
one day, i asked her the same question over the phone. she did not avoid the topic but strangely i was met with silence “what happened?” i asked her “why aren’t you saying anything?” she said, "i'm nodding my head". “what?” i couldn’t believe my ears. "i'm nodding my head" she replied loudly. i hung up the phone, changed and rode my bike like a madman and reached her place.i rang the bell and she opened the door. words were not necessary. i hugged her tightly…for ever….
[this is purely a work of fiction and not in anyway connected to me. any resemblance to people or incidents is purely coincidental.any attempt to pass this off as incidents from my life will be construed as an act of aggression and severely dealt with. it is taken from a haiku couplet which i have used as the title]
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