only tech. leads can handle windows

[ any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic - clarke's third law ]

people often say to me: "Harish, as a Microsoft Tech Lead, you have a job That requires you to process large quantities of information on a timely basis. How do you manage?"

(I am kidding, what they really ask is," Why don't you get a real haircut?")

I tell them (as the answer to the first question, of course!), "Get Windows XP!"
It was invented by Bill Gates. He is now one of the wealthiest individuals on Earth - wealthier than Queen Elizabeth; and do you want to know why? Because he is the only person in the world who can understand Windows.

Every day he gets frantic phone calls like this:

BUSINESS EXECUTIVE: Our entire worldwide corporate accounting system is paralyzed, and no matter what we type into the computer, it replies, "WHO WANTS TO KNOW? (Signed) 'Windows'

BILL GATES: Ha-ha! I mean, sounds pretty serious.

BUSINESS EXECUTIVE: We'll give you $17 million to tell us how to fix it.

BILL GATES: OK. Press the "NUM LOCK" key.

BUSINESS EXECUTIVE: So THAT'S what that thing does! Thanks! The cheque is on the way!

I have spent countless hours trying to get my computer to perform even the most basic data-processing functions, such as letting me filter data in MS Excel so that the stats for the team appears in a month wise with agents performance in Pivot Table. I have personally, with my bare hands, changed my "normal.dot" and "CONFIG.SYS" settings. This may not mean much to you, but trust me; it is a major data-processing accomplishment. Albert Einstein died without ever doing it.

("WAIT a minute!" were his last words. "It erased my equation! It was "E' equals something!")

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with MS Excel. There are hundreds of others. I know this, because I encounter them at work and in Messenger, they are called Tech Leads (or STs) which is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts responsible for the overall technical health of Windows XP Techs, by which I mean, "PEOPLE WITHOUT LIVES"

While you are destroying your mind watching worthless brain-rotting drivel on TV, we at work (and in MSN) are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and (yes) shocking details about our "setupapi.log" and "MSInfo32" and ripping "Winsock" apart. In War rooms, Flash meetings...et al

This debate has been raging, soap-opera-like, for months now, and I have become addicted to it. I tune in every day to see what the leading characters are saying. You probably think this is weird, but I don't care.